How to annoy Voldemort,Snape and many others
by RawrxDinosaur
Summary: An awesome task of annoying people.
1. Chapter 1: Discussion

"We will start today's meeting off with…" Voldemort started I interrupted.

"Why don't you have such a cool scar?" I asked referring to Harry Potter.

"Why don't you know how to shut up?" He asked.

"I don't want to…"

"There you go."

"So you don't want to have such a cool scar? Interesting very interesting."

"God, she's started again!" Lucius groaned. An outburst of mumbling broke the silence.

"Silence." he growled. At this the deatheaters fell silent. "How have you done?" He asked Draco.

"It's almost ready." Draco responded, looking a little nervous.

"Good, good…. And Amanda?"

"ALL IS WELL CAPTIN!" I responded.

"Really? Well then, I suppose…" He started, but once again I interrupted.

"MOSQUITO!" I Squeaked punching his arm.

"Dear god." Snape muttered.

"Yes processfur?" I asked mockingly.

"Don't start this mudblood!" Voldemort snapped.

"Oh, it's already been started ho!" I responded.

"Meeting dismissed." He groaned tiredly… "Amanda, Severus, Draco, Narcissa, Bellatrix and Lucius, you stay after."

"OOOH GOODY AN EXCLUSIVE PARTY! PARTY OVER HERE! UH UH OH YEAH!" I screamed starting to dance he put his hand on my shoulder holding me still. "Calm down! I swear you have more energy then Dumbledore! ADHD!" He hissed.

"Well! Thank you seeing that professor Dumbledore is my father…." I started. He shot me a if you want to live to see tomorrow shut up glance.

"Well, he is." I mumbled sourly.

"Now, Severus, do you give her a lot of detentions?"

"Yes." Snape replied.

"Weekly?" He asked.

"Daily." Snape corrected.

"A good excuse to take points from Gryffindor then?"

"Yes." Snape said a little bit of a smile forming on his lips.

"And Draco, she is a good look out right?"

"An excellent look out." He responded.

"Good, so if she's so good, why does she act so bad?"

"Hey! Look! I am in the room; stop talking like I'm not here… it's annoying!" I called to them.

"Lucius, she does help you out with the ministry doesn't she?"

"Yes, she does." He replied.

"Narcissa, she has been loyal to you and helped out your son…"

"Yes." Narcissa admitted. "She has."

"And Bellatrix…"

"This is gonna be good!" I whispered to Snape getting out popcorn.

"Yes my lord?" She asked.

"She does save you from the order more then expected, due to the fact that you are so infamous, she has convinced them to let you go more then once."  
"She has." Bellatrix admitted.

"Well, then…"

"But my lord, what has she done for you?" Snape asked.

He smiled. "Much." He responded leaving it at that. "Now Severus, she seems to do us all some kind of…. Justice."

"BUM BUM BUM!" I shrieked.

"So, I ask you…." He started to continue.

"BUM BUM BUM!"

"That… if she…"

"BUM BUM BUM!"

"SHUT UP!"

"bum bum bum." I whispered.

"I mean it, this is your last warning, next move and you'll go to the box… now if she helps us so much, why do you think she tries to ruin us?"

"bum bum bum." I whispered again.

"Maybe… my lord, like Dumbledore suggested, she just wants attention." Snape responded a sly look on his face.

"Yes, maybe." Voldemort muttered

"Bum bum bum bum bum bum bumbum bum bum bum bum bum (In theme to the phantom of the opera.) In sleep he sang to me, in dreams he came, that voice which calls to me, and speaks my name, and do I dream again? For now I find… the phantom of the opera is there, inside my mind. Bum bum bum bum bum bumbum bum bum bum bum bum…. Take it away Draco!" I sang.

"Uh, maybe she's mental?" Draco suggested.

"Sing once again with me, our strange duet, my power over you, grows stronger yet, and though you turn from me. To glance behind! The PHANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THERE INSIDE, VOLDY'S MIND! Bum bum bum bum bum bum bumbum bum bum bum bum bum." I continued to sing.

"Maybe….." Voldemort said considering this.

"Those who have seen voldy's face, draw back in fear, I am the mask his deatheaters wear! It's me they hear! My spirit and your voice in one combine the phantom of the opera is there, inside my mind!"

"Maybe she's just annoying!" Bellatrix growled.

"Maybe…" Voldemort muttered.

"Maybe it's fleas? I mean she was hanging around Sirius." Narcissa added.

"Maybe…" Voldemort pondered.

"Maybe it's because she's sick?" Lucius muttered.

"Or maybe, my friends… She's someone we all know and love, some one we did any way, by the name of Amanda Elizabeth Marie Brianna Noecker Sr. No not her daughter, Mandie didn't have a daughter, I can prove it… she just said that Dumbledore is her father, if she was Mandie's kid, he'd be her grandfather. Unless, that old fool hit up his own daughter, which I doubt. Also her catchphrase was that stupid mosquito thing."

"Now that you say it… I think you're right." Snape muttered.

"Mhm, and think Severus, Mandie, being back equals?" Snape just smiled at these words of voldemort


	2. Chapter 2: AHHHH!

"In all your fantasies you've always knew, that man and mystery… were both in you, and in this labyrinth where night is blind the phantom of the opera is there, inside my mind." I still continued to sing.

"Or, maybe not…." Lucius said, he seemed to be begging I wasn't.

"Lucius, you might be right…. Let's just pray she isn't." Voldemort responded,

"HE'S THERE THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. (Getting higher each Ah) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I sang.

"Dear lord she can sing!" Draco exclaimed after hearing that.

"Yes, she can…." Voldemort replied.


	3. Chapter 3: Reincarnate?

I found that the whole next day was very uneventful, I sat in detention with Snape, I was too tired to write so instead I pulled out a ruler, some string and glue. I reached to pick up a random potion ingredient that I could tie to the ruler and make a paddle ball with, but Processfur Snape smacked my hand HARD with the ruler.

"Leave my ingredients alone…"

I stood slowly gathering my things.

"If you leave that's a triple detention!" He warned.

I whistled a bit before singing. "Glory… Glory Hallelujah teacher hit me with a ruler... So I stood behind his door with a loaded '44 now he aint my teacher no more." I strolled out of the room then closed the door behind me, I simply pulled a fake '44 and stood as if I was waiting. When he opened the door I pointed it at him and pulled the trigger, it made a LOUD bang noise then he slammed the door closed in front of me, I watched as the kids started to gather around. I dropped the gun and began singing again.

"Glory Glory hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler, so I stood outside his door with a loaded forty four now he aint my teacher no more" I strolled away keeping my face as serious as possible. It was too easy…

* * *

((I accidently deleted the original chapter 3… forgive me? I decided I'd do a recap after this quickly so that new comers can understand the comments, also I'm adding some more to it since I figured hey I'm redoing it, lets explain a bit more! Sorry guys truly am!))

It was simple after ruining and bothering the hell out of professor Snape.. I sang and sang about fucking a dog in the ass by blink 182 he locked me in a closet and I glued a ketchuped tampon to his shoe….

Then I felt bad so I softly whimpered "Poor Sevvie.." I hurried over to him "I'm so sorry Professor!"

He grabbed my arm. "Sorry, your in A LOT of trouble. My Office NOW!" he pushed me into the office and closed and locked the door behind him,.

He sat down and pulled me onto his lap then pressed his lips to mine. My mind whirled and spun, but before I could grasp what happened he pulled away.

"How'd you know my nickname?"

"You heard that?"

"Yes I heard that! How did you know!

"I- I…" I stopped looking up at him like a dear in the headlights "Erm?"

"I knew there was a reason you looked just like her. You even have her name!"

"Sir I don't know what your talking about!"

"And she would pull pranks on the transfiguration teacher with me…"

"Who!"

"Mandie! I dated this girl a long time ago… well not dated her, we were only good friends and I… I was in love with her! And the night she died… the very night she died she had came to my house and told me that she loved me, before she just fell… And it all makes sense now. Tell me Mandie, do you believe in reincarnates?" He touched my face softly and I pulled back.

"Professor, I'm sorry,.." I started.

"Do you!"

"Well yes but.."

"But what?"

"I'm not her… I'm sorry…" My voice was soft I felt as if I was telling him that she was dead, again.. I had often wondered who the pretty red head in his pictures on his desk were, but I had never asked.

"Mandie… she shares your name, your looks…"

"How many other Mandie's are there in this world with red hair and green eyes!"

"How many other Mandie's in the magical world are there with red hair and green eyes?" he questioned me.

"Yes but still there's a lot.."

"Not as many as you think, and how many look exactly like each other?"

"We all have a twin somewhere in the world..."

"Mandie…" his eyes were pleading

I looked away unable to answer him for a moment, Finally I found my strength. "Look Professor… I know your heart broken but its making you delusional… I mean really…."

He sighed. "Just look at this picture.." he handed me a small picture of a young red head who was on his back getting a piggyback ride, they both seemed so happy. I stared into it for a long time.

"Oh my…"

"See what I mean?"

"I- I have to go…" I pulled away from him dropping the picture and taking off. What was this! Was it his revenge on me! As a joke! I didn't think it was funny.


	4. Chapter 4: starting to get suspicious

I found myself sitting in front of the pensive that professor Snape had in his potions closet, it was hidden as if he didn't want anyone seeing it. Unable to stop myself I looked into it, then I fell. I watched silently as a young red head sat in a room, a Victorian ball gown on. She was quite shapely with Double D's at the smallest, and aged at about 16. It was now I realized I was looking at Professor Snape's Mandie.. that this was her memory.

She stood and walked to the window looking out it as if she was expecting someone or something, then a young Snape climbed into it, he was a bit older then her maybe 18 or 19 possibly 20? They seemed to be sneaking this meeting… A rendezvous if you will… She kissed both his cheeks then in the same French accent I have she said.

"I've missed you very much Sevvie"

He smiled and nodded. "I missed you too"

I stared at them a long moment confused then Snape spoke quickly.

"You ready?" He asked almost in a whisper.

"Of course I am!" She replied smiling at him brilliantly.

He handed her some roses. "I figure since I'm escorting you to the yule ball, that I'd give you something…. I mean even though we are just going as friends"

Scratch my earlier calculations he was 17.

I watched as Sev picked her up like she was weightless and set her on the broom outside the window, they were in a mansion… a HUGE mansion. Why was Mandie not at school if it was school time? Why was she in a mansion though?

I smiled when he sat behind her, though she seemed to be more interested in leaning back into him then actually flying.

"Sevvie.."

"Yes Mandie?"

"You look very handsome tonight"

"Thank you. You look gorgeous" he smiled obviously pleased with the compliment.

I waited patiently listening to them go back and forth with their jabbering before he landed and picked her up off the broom, She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Sevvie! Don't I can walk!"

"Oh come on you know you like when I carry you"

She fell silent and looked up at him her eyes glowing his eyes glowed with excitement as well…

He set her down on the floor of the great hall which had been changed around to be a ball room.

He danced with her gracefully slowly. It wasn't long before the last song played.

"Believe that magic works.. Don't be afraid. Of bein' hurt .Don't let this magic die  
The answer's there Oh, just look in her eyes… And make. Your final move, mm, don't be scared she wants you to it's hard you must be brave…. Don't let this moment slip away…"

Mandie seemed so interested in him that I forgot they were with others, then he dipped her at the end of the song and his lips pressed to hers. But she didn't pull away, oh no, she kissed back.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "That's enough" the memory faded to black and when we returned to the real world I saw Snape.

"What happened after that?"

"She got caught… we both got in trouble."

"But.. sir…who caught her? And why was this bad?"

"Its none of your concern… now go…"

"But.."

"GO!"

I ran off heading strait to my dorms.


	5. Chapter 5: Child

I decided that NO AMOUNT of Processfurs memories would make me fall for it, It was a prank, I knew it.. it HAD to be… I stormed down to the potions room the next day for class about an hour before school started and set up a ticket booth. I got in it and lowered the block so that no one could enter the room.

It wasn't long before a group of Slytherins arrived. "Entrance toll please!"

"Excuse me?" Draco asked looking at me as if he was a god and I was in his way… wait … never mind… ((Sorry he kind of is a god :3 and She was kinda in his way…))

"That's 2 Galleons for the likes of you…"

"Absolutely not"

"Well looks as if Richie rich has gotten a bit greedy with his money."

"Draco you might as well give it to her, I'm sure the profits of this will go to get her the much needed brain surgery…" Snape muttered.

The Slytherins snickered .

"I would professor, but I'm afraid I can't… you see if she gets that brain surgery… she might survive to be 20 and we can't have that… I mean with the way she's been wearing on the dark lords nerves."

I glared. "Hey! I don't bother your stupid ass!"

"Okay, there are two things wrong with that theory… 1) You bother me constantly and 2) I am not stupid."

I stared at him for a long moment before bursting into hysterics. "Take back the second one and your correct"

"This is enough. Let us in"

"No"

"And why, not?"

"I need money! For….. something"

Draco chuckled. "For something? So you have private matters to attend to now?"

"Yes…"

"And they would be…"

"Private…"

"Need more birth control pills?"

"Am I showing?"

"What? I thought you were just getting fat!"

I burst into "tears" and ran off

* * *

I found myself returning to class the next day to carry out a plan that I had taken nine months to pull through. I had studied up on pregnancy and used all kinds of pregnancy simulators that they usually stole for the husband so he knew what it was like… and I magicked them so that they would grow like a child in a mothers womb, so that my stomach looked as if it had been getting swollen.

Now in my arms I held a young child that I was "babysitting" for some muggle parents

I held the baby in my arms rocking her back and forth, she was born two weeks ago. When he started to cry and fuss I frowned. "Shh shh, daddy's busy teaching class right now" I whispered to him. "He'll hold you afterwards" however it was a very audible whisper and the look of pure horror on Draco's and several others faces were well worth anything Snape would do to me when he found out that I had lied, I planned to keep him thinking this for a while… a long long while, just until I had to give the baby back to the parents, you see the parents had to visit the moms grandmother in china as she had gone there and gotten very ill.. so ill that she couldn't return home, and the baby was too young to take with them. So yes he'd be here a while… even just a couple days would be good.

I smirked when Snape grabbed my arm and led me out of the room.

"That night when I woke up with you naked and next to me.. had I been drunk?"

"Oh quite drunk sir.." I replied respectfully.

"And the baby isn't someone elses?"

"I've never slept with anyone else, and besides he has your hair" I smiled. "and my green eyes."

"Yes… but…"

"No, he's yours, so start taking responsibility! Cuz until he's 18 he's not going ANYWHERE"

Snape stared at me with such a look of frustration I thought he might have killed me then and there.

"Wh-Why the hell did you let me do that!"

"Because I was bored… oh and you seemed sooo very lonely."

He sighed. "Fine… I suppose after school today, you should come to my mansion with me… I'll get the baby a crib." He was obviously reluctant "and since you aren't my dearest Mandie…. I guess I'm stuck with you… forever"


End file.
